Being 20-ahem, cough hack....

I turned 30 last year. I know, I know, it's hard to believe I'm a day over 21 with my dashing youthful looks (can girls be dashing?, Must look into that!) Birthdays aren't exactly new, I've had 30 of them, but this last one felt different. I've had different feeling birthdays before too, but not many, 12 and 21 I'd say, possibly 18 but I think I was too drunk to remember!! At 12 I felt a bit scared, thinking about the prospect of growing up, and excited, thinking about the prospect of growing up, big conflicted brain on me even then!! My experience of 21 was a little different from my friends' as I had a 2 year old girl and was out on my own in the big bad world. More on that in future blogs I have no doubt.

30 loomed ahead last year and I dreaded it. I thought about all sorts of things. Being a grown-up, even if I have been playing at that for the last 11 years. Maybe having to finally figure out what direction my life is going, or even where I'd like it to go. Time passing me by far too fast. The eventual reality of my parents getting old (I'm stupidly close to my parents, but I need them, I don't do independence well!!)

As the last week of 29 ticked along I had a long chat with my very close friend. She had done the turning 30 bit earlier in the year. It's really nice, she told me, it feels just right or something, comfortable, like. She was right you know, she's rarely wrong. She gave me a little box of tricks for my birthday, all sorts of goodies lay within. My favourite thing though, I think, was this in teeny book form.

I realised I'm quite happy with who I am. I have no idea who I will be, and that's ok too. We're all on a journey I suppose, in our own personal way, and birthdays are just signposts along the road, reminding us to quit belly-aching and be happy with our lot. I turned 31 today, quietly in a way, and I don't know what it's like at all.....yet!!