Not a patch on willpower

I appear to have agreed to try quitting smoking again last night. Rock God was going on about his plan to quit today and according to himself, in a haze of exhaustion and under the influence of one whole glass of wine, I agreed to join him. I also, if he is to be believed, suggested he stick a patch on me before he went to work so that when I woke up I wouldn't be absolutely gagging for a smoke as usual. There is a hazy memory there, but it's hazy and could have been planted in my head by subliminal suggestion while I slept.

So this morning I woke up. Rock God & Smarty pants were long gone off to work & school and Monkey Boy had given me a great lie-in. I could hear him happily crooning Bob The Builder from his cot and I dragged myself wearily from the folds of my lovely duvet. Got up, got dressed, did potties and washes and dressing (For Monkey boy you see, especially the potty bit) Flopped my way downstairs and plied his little self with juice so I could have a moment for my very favourite morning ritual.

A large glass of diet coke poured, kettle on and off I tripped out into the sunshine to have that glorious first smoke of the day. I sat on my little decking, bathed in sunlight, observing that no plants had died in the night and some had even produced some pretty flowers. Happily checking my emails and texts, completely unaware that I was double-dosing myself with nicotine.

I spent my morning cleaning up after our most excellent little dinner party last night. Snappy cooked her legendary Goulash, brought it over and even cooked the spuds for us!! Being shooed from your own kitchen is one of those anxious moments and I actually found myself watching her in the window, having been exiled to the garden. As if she were going to break the cups and smash the plates, it's not only Bilbo Baggins that hates that you know!! But I digress.... a lot!

I whiled away the morning being all wifely and domestic like the goddess I am, and not emailing and texting like a mad wan, I swear. A smoke here, a smoke there..... Rock God rang me on his tea-break.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" says I.

"Have you been good?"

I paused a moment "eh, yes, I've been very well behaved altogether, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I've only had 1" he gloats.

The conversation slowly swirls in my head and begins to form a blurry picture.

"Am I wearing a patch?" "Eh yeah, you didn't forget did you?"

"Ah bugger!!"

He's been laughing at me all morning, but I'm not gumming for a smoke!! There's always tomorrow eh?!!